How To Break-up With your Partner

How to break-up with your partner? Break-ups are difficult – no one likes being on the receiving end. However, rejecting your partner can be just as difficult.

If you’re wondering what’s the best way to break-up with your partner we can help you and give you guidance.

Make sure you don’t want to continue the relationship

List the reasons why you are not satisfied with your relationship.

Sometimes ending things is a way to push someone away. We might subconsciously fear commitment and feel uncomfortable if we get too close to a partner.

This is possible if you had a bad relationship experience or if someone broke your trust when you were a kid (for example, you were subjected to abuse or neglect). Pay attention to the thoughts you have associated with the relationship and the way you react to emotional closeness.

Do you constantly fear being cheated on?

Do you tend to become distant after an intimate situation? Imagine what your life with a partner would be like a few years from now and try to pinpoint what makes you feel uncomfortable about it.

Sometimes we want to break up with someone because our fear of abandonment is likely to be  debilitating,  we’d rather abandon them first than risk exposing ourselves to rejection.

This, however, is a way of testing if your partner cares and usually has the opposite effect than intended. Your partner will most likely grow tired of the push and pull dynamic. If it isn’t the first time you’re breaking up with them, it’s the possibility you might want to consider.

Give your partner a chance to fix things

The basis of a good relationship is communication. If your partner let you down in some way, make sure to share your concerns with them first. You might be acting on impulse and reacting to something that could be easily fixed if you talk things through.

Ask your friend for an objective opinion before you make the final decision. If you’re sure you want the relationship to end, read on.

Work out a plan

If you live with your partner, you’ll have to figure out where you’re going to stay and what to do about shared finances.

Consider the options you have.

Perhaps you could ask your friends for advice and stay with them until you find something permanent.

Prepare to feel emotional

Most likely, you’ve been together for a while and shared both good and bad moments. Even though you know they aren’t the right person for you, it’s natural to feel a sense of loss. Prepare yourself for feeling down and possibly having second thoughts.

Remind yourself that there was a reason you made this decision. Take a day off work if you can and aim to spend time with your friends or family.

Be honest and kind

Unless your partner is abusive, everyone deserves to be let down respectfully. It might be tempting to send them a message and never speak to them again but remember it is the person you were closest with not so long time ago. You should not be afraid to express your thoughts and feelings, and even though you no longer want to be romantically involved, they deserve honesty.

Explain the reason you want to break up with them. If you don’t tell them why, you’re depriving them of closure and leaving them feeling confused. At the same time, you don’t have to give too many details. If your partner tends to analyse things, they might fixate on your response.

People react differently to breakups too: some might beg you to stay, some might promise you they will change. However, people rarely change, especially if you have expressed your concerns before and they didn’t care until the threat of losing you.

In that case, you do not owe them a detailed explanation nor a second chance. Remind yourself the reason you wanted to break up in the first place and do not let them make you feel guilty for making this decision.

Focus on yourself

Now is the time to prioritise your mental and physical health. Plus, you’ll have more time to focus on your hobbies. Stay away from dating for a while and add self-care to your routine. Try to find enjoyment in solitude: no more compromise.

You can do what you want without having to take someone else’s needs and feelings into consideration. Try to distract yourself by doing things you have always wanted to do but never had the time to. Whether it’s spending more time with friends or joining that dance class, it will help you connect with yourself and surround yourself with a different kind of love.

Alternatively, if you are confused about how you feel about your partner and whether the relationship is for you, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Contact My Family Psychologist for a confidential chat.