Should I get into a new relationship

Should I get into a new relationship?

In a world where everything comes in pairs, being single out of choice seems like a rebellious act. When you see pillows sold in two, happy couples all over social media and discounts for families with children, it is normal to feel like you are missing out.

But relationships are a responsibility that comes with hard work we are not always ready for.

Read this guide to find out if you are ready for a relationship.

1 – Evaluate your motives behind wanting to be in a relationship

We are all hope for a picture-perfect relationship that resembles those in romantic comedies. Let us face it, there are so many things you can do with a partner that seem to be straight out of a movie, like always having a partner at a family’s wedding, or dining at fancy restaurant.

But relationships require effort and love is a commitment as much as a feeling. We tend to like the idea of being in a relationship but if you think about it, most things you want to do with a partner you could do with a friend. The only thing missing is the intimacy.

It is great if you want someone to show affection to but we will always crave intimacy just because it’s validating. When you need another person to confirm you are good enough, it creates an unhealthy co-dependency and places a lot of responsibility on your partner. Do you know the “If you want to be loved, you have to love yourself first” saying?

While it is insensitive and not quite true, it points you in the right direction: you need focus on yourself and be your own person before deciding to grow with someone else. Ask yourself, do you know your good sides, do you enjoy your own company? Write down all the good qualities and pay attention to how easy or difficult it is for you to come up with a list.

If you tend to focus on what you would want to change about yourself, it might indicate that you have low self-esteem. When you are single, you are your top priority which might feel uncomfortable if you have a lot to work on.

Spend Time Alone

Try to spend some time alone away from all distractions. Can you sit down with your feelings? Are you afraid of your thoughts? If you enter a relationship when your sense of self is not stable, you are risking settling for less.

Remember, we accept the love we think we deserve. You might find yourself liking a person just because they are interested in you. You might have a tendency to ignore the red flags because you’re terrified of being alone.

If there is someone in your life who seems like a good partner candidate, make sure they fit your idea of a respectful relationship. List qualities you find crucial in a partner and try to evaluate objectively if the person you are interested in meets the criteria.

2 – Evaluate your life

Your life Relationships are not just a great distraction from your insecurities, but also an escape from your problems. Not many people feel comfortable being alone – we are taught relationships complete us which might be true if you already have everything you wanted in life.

Happiness is best shared after all. They are a social expectation too – will your family ever stop asking when you’re getting married? But very often, we enter relationships to distract ourselves from the lack of fulfilment in our lives.

To find out if you use relationships to fill in the void, identify your values. Find a list of values online and make a note of those that resonate with you the most. You might find that your main values can’t be applied to social life at all. If your values happen to be family or love, remember that love comes in many forms. 

Do you have a passion you have been neglecting recently? Sometimes emptiness comes from a lack of self-expression which is one of the crucial parts of life satisfaction. If your life is focused on work and relationships, try to find a hobby that excites you and see if it makes any difference. If you are not satisfied with your life, sooner or later, you’ll start feeling lonely even around other people.

3 – Evaluate your past relationships

When a relationship ends, there is usually a good reason for that. Try to analyse what you liked and disliked about previous partners. If we look at our relationship closely, we can often spot a pattern.

For example, you might have the tendency to date partners who do not appreciate you or partners whose qualities are not what you are looking for at all. Search for a checklist of a healthy relationship and try to evaluate whether your previous relationships fit the description.

A healthy relationship is a partnership – you are a team that communicates and works through difficulties together. If this dynamic is disrupted, your needs are not being met and you might begin to feel isolated. Are you still not over your ex? If you still have feelings for someone else, it means you are not emotionally available and cannot fully commit to a new relationship. Take some time to heal and focus on self-care.

Are you still confused about your dating life? There is no shame in asking for help. Contact My Family Psychologist for a confidential chat.